9. Your kids know what “peas porridge in the pot nine days old” tastes like.
8. Your son goes outside to make mud pies; the rest of the family grabs a fork and joins him.
7. Your family’s favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.
6. You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.
5. Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.
4. Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste into their lunch boxes.
3. Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.
2. No matter what you do; the gravy still turns out bright purple.
…and the number 1 sign you are a lousy cook…
1. You burned the house down trying to make jelly.